DJ FirimaR's cave [entries|friends|calendar] DJ FirimaR aka BatLuder [ website | FirimaR's stuff ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[14 Apr 2007|03:59pm] [ mood | Too many moods at once ] [ music | Kaiser Chiefs ] I love when lyrics to good music seem to tell the stories from my life. Guess a name.   :P "Everyday I Love You Less And Less" Everyday I love you less and less It's clear to see that you've become obsessed I've got to get this message to the press That everyday I love you less and less And everyday I love you less and less I've got to get this feeling off my chest The Doctor says all I needs pills and rest Since everyday I love you less and less Unless, unless I know, I feel it in my bones I'm sick, I'm tired of staying in control Oh yes, I feel a rat upon a wheel i've got to know what's not and what's real Oh yes I'm stressed, I'm sorry I digressed Impressed you're dressed to SOS Oh, and my parents love me Oh, and my girlfriend loves me Everyday I love you less and less I can't believe once you and me did sex It makes me sick to think of you undressed Since everyday I love you less and less And everyday I love you less and less You're turning into something I detest And everybody says that your a mess Since everyday I love you less and less Unless, unless I know, I feel it in my bones I'm sick, I'm tired of staying in control Oh yes, I feel a rat upon a wheel I've got to know what's not and what is real Oh yes I'm stressed, I'm sorry I digressed Impressed you're dressed to SOS Oh, and my parents love me Oh, and my girlfriend loves me Oh, they keep photos of me Oh, thats enough love for me Oh, and my parents love me Oh, and my girlfriend loves me Oh, they keep photos of me Oh, thats enough love for me 1 comment|post comment

Shopping in Leipzig... [03 Jun 2005|04:13pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | 18 Brockdorff Klang Labor -Some Girls Are Bigger Then Others ] My first Siouxsie jacket seemed to want to be free, and ran away from me all the time. A few times it was captured by friends of mine and brought back to me. But at Kulturbundhaus it manage to distract me and run away for good. But today I found the last one they had left in the store to be same size and same print, and I bought a new one. I hope this one likes me better. When I went to the other goth shop in the inner city, one thing really liked me. I was looking for a ring for my smallest finger (pinky, right?), but they were all just a bit too big. But when I was just thinking about my girlfriend a bigger ring caught my attention, and it jumped on me. It liked me soo much, and hugged me so tight and wouldn't let go. Luckily I really liked it, and decided to pay for at and keep it forever. Oh, and I got some patched for my new pants, sadly they had no more Fliehende Stürme patches in black. And I found a few buttons as well. And in impulse buy... red sun glasses, they look cool, but are not that practical. ;) And you sence of colors is lost completely. 13 comments|post comment

New adventures of the BatLuder [31 May 2005|01:52am] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | Gyllene Tider (a gift for my mom) ] Ok, now it is time to brag! I have a girlfriend! And yes, I know we are crazy, I know that noone else thinks it is possible, but we don't care, we know we can! Hah! What? What did min Rasmus say? Hehe, she is so cute! I could stare at her picture forever, just imagine how it would work with the real thing. ;) She is just as dreamy as these pictures, that's why I think they fit her so well. Maybe this is a fantasy world, but if it is better then the real world, why not live in it. You should try it! Stop growing up, it makes no point anyway, just follow your heart! In 28 days I'm leaving Denmark, traveling I guess about 10.000 km to Houston in the US. This will be my first time outside Europe, it will be my first time that far south, and it will be the first time I see my girlfriend. Heh, I guess you can call this love before first sight, haha. I do love her, and I can't wait to finally hold her in my arms. I have had a lot of doubt about all this after talking to so many people about it, but now I'm sure, I know what I want, and I don't care what people say. This is the sweetest little girl on the planet, too bad it's the other side of the planet, but that will not stop me. Wish me the best of luck. I will be there for a whole month! Wow! This is really my girlfriend! 85 comments|post comment

Jacket SMS archive [16 Feb 2005|08:03pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Archive - Fuck You ] From: Silvia Kube Leipzig 12-Jul-04 16:34 Hallo my english is not so good. Deshalb schreibe ich in deutsch. Wie geht es dir? Mir geht es gut. Ich glaub ich hab am freitag deine jacke bei einer party gesehen. Ich bin mir aber nicht sicher. Deine silvia From: Silvia Kube Leipzig 12-Jul-04 16:44 Ich kenne diese person aus der vergangenheit ich werd ihn mal besuchen gehen und ihm deine jacke weg nehmen. Und dir dann schreiben wenn ich sie hab. From: Silvia Kube Leipzig 13-Jul-04 12:48 Hello i have your jacket yesterday geholt. Liegt jetzt bei mir zu hause. From: Silvia Kube Leipzig 13-Jul-04 12:59 Ich habe sie in meinen schrank getan da ist sie gut auf gehoben. Schreib mir wenn du wieder nach leipzig kommst. Ich w?rde dich gerne wieder sehen. 6 comments|post comment

So late I could kill every one of you [01 Dec 2004|01:11am] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | Sex Gang Children - Assassin Years ] Can you cry from the pain that loving your girlfriend that loves you back can cause? 3 comments|post comment

Jacket and life [02 Nov 2004|12:38am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | :Of the Wand and the Moon: - Lucifer ] Wow it has been a long time, I better give you an update. I GOT MY JACKET BACK!!! - I better thank Susi, and who else has been involved in getting it back to me! Now this jacket must have gone through a lot this last half year, it has some history now! Hehe, I think I will write "Steal this jacket and die!" on it. Hehe. And it seems like I will be DJing in Germany on January 15. It will be lots of fun! http://party.death-rock.de/ Hmmm...and the most important think in my life? ...is still this tiny little girl that is the center of my happiness. I think I found the one! Yes, you heard right, I do think so. I will not rush to conclusions like last time, but I really think so! This is something really different, and I enjoy every second, not just this second. We have been together for allmost 9 months. ...and I still melt just thinking of her, I can't even begin to describe it, and I don't think you'd want to read it anyway. Oh, and it was Halloween! I went to club Dust, it was lots of fun, and for once I really dressed up. And I dressed up as the scariest thing I could think of! Tilo Wolf from Lacrimosa! Haha. And I won for best costume! *LOL* Noone got the joke though, they all just said I looked good....that was not really the point, not that it matters. I won 4 CDs (and 2 of them are actually good, one I'm listening to right now) and a 300 DKK to spend at a goth store in Copenhagen (not that they have anything for me) and a pumpkin-bag. Hehe Hope everyone here are having as good a time as me (my only problem being no money)! *kisses to everyone* 8 comments|post comment

Wanted! [14 Jun 2004|01:05am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | KoRN - Y'all Want a Single ] I want my jacket back! costumized with: "1334" down left sleeve "BatLuder" in big letters on the lower back (t shaped as a cross) Small metal studs around all edges Cut off belt Cut off shoulder-thingies Lots of buttons This jacket was stolen from me on saturday during the GothicPogoPfingstenParty/WaveGotikTreffen at the G16. I lend it to a girl (Silvia), who left it outside the toilets for a short while, when she came back the jacket was gone. Please get me my jacket back! I miss it a lot! There will be some kind of reward. I made a website for this: http://www.daimi.au.dk/~batluder/jacket.html (I want to see a political debate about the music industry with KoRN and Metallica) 15 comments|post comment

[23 May 2004|09:08pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | None ] I was thinking about the meaning with my life till I started crying today. I hate when that happens. It's usually when I have been stressed for a long time, and then relax... When I start thinking like that, I'm glad that none can read my mind. I reevaluate everything, everyone, till there is nothing left and I just start to cry. And I never do find a reason to live, not a real one. I always end up with something weak like "I want to have a little boy some day" or "I want to find my true love and live the rest of my life" or even more weak like "I want to make some music or art and show people". Bah, the last one stinks, and the two first ones are far future. Today I realized that there are really few things that really make me happy. I can name a lot that people think means a lot to me, but doesn't... like sex, candy, music, CDs, computers... it doesn't make me happy. Really, the few things I know that does make me happy, or at least never does the opposite are (this might sound very childish) "having adventures" (but, you can't have this every day), "play" (with games, new "toys", music and so), "being told a good story", and maybe "finishing a creative process" (but maybe the process doesn't, or I never finish). This is what goes on in my mind... :/ When I started crying today my girlfriend was there. I feel I still have a lot of trouble talking to her. We never talk much. I think we understand eachother, but how can I know if I never get things confirmed? I worry about this a lot. She is really the perfect girl for me in a lot of ways, but there are a few issues I'm not sure about, and it bugs me a lot. But today I saw that it might also be me... Maybe I'm too quiet, and she doesn't know how to reach me when I'm like that. She talks a lot with her friends...it seams to be just when she is with me... And when I started talking about my weird thoughts she was listening and very understanding. I know she has a really good mind hidden behind her silence (and her weird jokes and silly talk when she's drunk). I would just really like to feel it more often. Maybe if I can just open myself a bit more to her, she will follow. It's just really really hard. My eyes and head are sore from trying to find a meaning...to understand enough to go on. When I talked to Lotte today I admitted something that I don't remember if I have ever admitted before. I do know when I started to really think so much about everything. But now that I rethink the whole thing, it's more complicated then that. I remember being depressed when I was only 6 or 7 years old, I thought about killing myself, because I couldn't think of a reason to live; but I didn't, thinking of how much it would hurt people around me, especially my mother. The reason I told Lotte might still have something to do with all this. I really didn't know untill someday only a few years ago when my mother told me, but after my father died I became more antisocial and more depressed. I kept to myself, and seemed less happy all the time. I think the reason why I didn't feel the change myself, was that I was too busy thinking about what life was. This question still bugs me, and I can never escape it. I will never find a final answer, not even a full answer, only fractions, and never enough pieces to build a bigger picture. I'm sorry if this seemed unstructured, this is how I think, and I know if I read through it again I would want to change something... And then I would feel it was a bit like lieing. Does that make any sense? Anyway, if you have any comments to all this, or if you just want to tell me that there are more then just me having these kind of thoughts...please comment. 2 comments|post comment

Programming and old computers [12 Apr 2004|09:10pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Welle:Erdball - Elektrosmog ] I did some homework today, and I had some fun doing the exercise on my old Commodore 64 in Comal 80, insteed of a brand new PC running Linux. This old machine is soo nice! Fuck PCs! 8 bit forever! Hehe. :) See how perfect this looks: $$$ Commodore-64 COMAL 80 rev 2.01 $$$ (C) 1984 by UniComal & Commodore 30714 bytes free. load"Exercise C-5.10" list 0010 //Suppose we are given a collec- 0020 //tion A=[a1,a2,...,an] of n 0030 //positive integers that add up to 0040 //N. Design an O(nN)-time algo- 0050 //rithm for determining whether 0060 //there is a subset B in A, such 0070 //that the sum of a's in B is 0080 //equal to the sum of a's in A-B. 0090 //================================ 0100 //Test array for algorithm 0110 n:=4 0120 DIM a(n) 0130 a(1):=1 0140 a(2):=2 0150 a(3):=3 0160 a(4):=6 0170 //================================ 0180 //Finding half total sum of array 0190 m:=0 0200 FOR i:=1 TO n DO 0210 m:+a(i) 0220 ENDFOR i 0230 w:=m/2 0240 //================================ 0250 //Using 01Knapsack algorithm 0260 DIM b(w+1) 0270 FOR v:=1 TO w+1 DO 0280 b(v):=0 0290 ENDFOR v 0300 FOR k:=1 TO n DO 0310 FOR v:=w+1 TO k+1 STEP -1 DO 0320 IF b(v-k)+k>b(v) THEN 0330 b(v):=b(v-k)+k 0340 ENDIF 0350 ENDFOR v 0360 ENDFOR k 0370 //================================ 0380 //Returning true or false 0390 IF b(w+1)=w THEN 0400 PRINT "True" 0410 ELSE 0420 PRINT "False" 0430 ENDIF run True end at 0430 6 comments|post comment

DJing in Leipzig! [10 Apr 2004|12:09pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | David Bowie - "Heroes" ] Yay! Check this out: http://gppp.zeitgeist80.de/djs/batluder I'm so exited about this! This will be the audience I allways wish I had. *feels like a superstar* 1 comment|post comment

An update [10 Apr 2004|11:32am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | The Sods - Minutes to Go ] So what's happening in my life...? Right now I'm just bored, and feel a bit sad. I just figured that I really don't have any real friends. MAybe it's just me, but I feel that way....and it's my own fault. I just don't really feel like socializing for the moment. - Maybe I should have went out to party last night with my girlfriend in stead of staying home watching Jurrasic Park 2 and playing with my Commodore 64...and waiting for my girlfriend to show up... She never did show up. It was not like she promiced to do so, and I hate when I expect people to act a special way, you are allways disapointed that way, and it's not a good way to think. But I really hoped she would show up. And now I feel a bit alone. I know I depend too much on too few people when I'm down, as I said I have very few (if any) real friends. - I want to make more friends, I'm very good at meeting new people, but not at turning them into friends. Other then that I miss her right now, everything is going great between me and my girlfriend. It's really nice to meet someone like that. I haven't felt so at home with anyone like that since I was 14 or something. We never argue, and we agree on most things, and when we don't then it's not like anyone needs to be right. She is very quiet, and when we started being together she was too quiet, but she is starting to talk more, it feels right. I don't know how to descibe my feelings. I can only say that I can imagine a future with her....a nice future. I don't know it will ever be like that, it still depends of the two of us getting more alike when it comes to two issues: cleaning and drinking. Not that I can't have a girlfriend that is messy and drinks every weekend, but for us to have a future (you know what I mean, and yes, I do know I sound old now) we need to be a bit more alike. Still, she is the best thing that could ever happen to me. Me and my ex (Batzy) worked out a lot of our issues, like I knew we would in time. When we meet at WGT, or whenever we meet again, I think we'll have fun and talk about a lot of things. She might still totally disagree with things I say, and tell me that I'm wrong all the time, I don't like that, but maybe I can just learn to ignore it, or maybe she will stop when she isn't mad at me anymore. - I talked to her about that I've been thinking about geting myself a big aquarium and some fish, actually that was what made us talk again. And it felt really nice talking to her. She can really into a conversation, and just talk and talk even if the subject is small, like me, and I like when we hit a subject like that, that we both like talking about. I met one of Lottes friends, when I went there to help her put her new bed together. She was really nice to talk to, I hope I get to meet her again soon. She talked and talked, and her stories can be fun...mostly about what wierd things happend to her when she was drunk, but it was still fun. And it made Lotte talkative too...or was it the beer? :) I actually feel a bit better after writing all this. Now I think I'll go eat some of the food I made yesterday (sausages wraped in bread), clean up my room, and maybe dye my hair, and then hope for my girlfriend to send me an SMS or something. *hopefull smile* post comment

Exams [17 Mar 2004|10:02pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | The Mission ] Damn, I hate these oral exams, the drain you totally, esecially now at university where you have to be prepared for every question you can draw, as there is no time for preperation. You go in there, draw a question about regular languages, finite automata, context free grammas or the like, and then you have to just start talking...and for 15-20 minuttes! post comment

Falling even deeper [28 Feb 2004|08:13pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | Tears for Fears - The Hurting ] I'm so in love it hurts. Do you know that feeling. It's soo nice that it sometimes gets too much, when you are apart anyway. I haven't felt this strongly in a very long time, it just keeps on growning stronger. I know she likes me too, I can feel it, and she says so too. But when everything feels so perfect you get suspicious... A few people have warned me against her, telling me she is a man eater, or that she has been with so many I should feel special. It makes me angry, coz it's so far from what I feel from her side. She is soo nice and quiet, she is allways touching me, rubing my back and so... :) ...but these people's words make me nervous. Still I don't want to change anything, it feels perfect so far, I don't want other people to mess it up. I don't want to be too carefull and too suspicious. I want her to _feel_ that I love her. (I will not make the mistake of saying it all the time again, hearing it just ruins the ability to feel it sometimes) Hmm... but my concentration is still gone....it's really hard to do homework when I think of her all the time. I'm falling in love for real. And this time I want things to be right, not too hasty, not too slow... just really really nice. But oooh I hope she feels the same way to. If she don't....I'll be in for some serious heartache. Cross your fingers for me. Anyways, maybe you are curious. I was at a small party at her place yesterday. We drank teguila. It was me, her, her appartment-mate (girl), a guy I didn't know, and a guy I did know there. I got a bit drunk, but not more then I could handle. Her appartment-mate did though...she threw up in Lottes bed, yummy. And our plans of getting my fiend and her appartment-mate together failed, when she was way too drunk. So we fell asleep, me and Lotte close together on her bed (feets on the end where there had been vomit) and my friend behind me, now all horny when he couldn't get the appartment mate. He asked us about a threesome, and ended up touching me all over till I fell asleep. I really really hope that Lotte didn't mind. She means everything to me now. 2 comments|post comment

To everybody [24 Feb 2004|07:37am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | The silence of morning ] Please send more money. Love, Rasmus. post comment

After a hard day at school... [23 Feb 2004|06:34pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Diary of Dreams ] I can still smell her scent on my skin. :) I'll see her again tomorrow, and she left just this morning...notthing can bring me down right now. ...but I still have to do my homework for tomorrow. 1 comment|post comment

Lotte - the result [22 Feb 2004|01:59am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Noise from computer ] I got home today in the morning, I had to get up and go to visit my mother and brother. But after the party yesterday, I woke up at Lotte's place. So I guess you can all figure that things went pretty well. - Thank you Zombina for telling me that things would all be fine, when in fact you were right. Tomorrow Lotte will visit me, and we'll eat some food and watch the german movie "23". She studies german, so she can translate it for me, and she has never before seen this the best hacker movie ever! Shame on her. ;) Now, lets see what the future has in store... I can't wait. :) 3 comments|post comment

Party! [20 Feb 2004|03:16pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Hocico - Instincts of Perversion ] Ok, I'm really glad that some do read my journal. I'll dare, dare, double dare, and go to the club tonight...and meet up with Lotte. And then lets see what happens. *emotions jumping up and down inside my belly* 2 comments|post comment

Falling in love? [20 Feb 2004|01:15pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Batcave - Young Limbs, Numb Hymns ] I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to at the moment, I still don't know that many people in this city... So I'll just talk to my journal, even though I know it's a lot like just talking to myself, noone ever reads my journal. I know I'm not too good at updating it, that might be why... I'll ill at the moment...just to make bad things worse. Well it's just a cold, but it still exhausts me. I'm crushed by finding out that I couldn't trust my girlfriend, most the things she said about herself had been lies, and she had hurt me with lies on the way... :( And finding this out made me realize that I had fallen out of love with her, the feelings weren't there anymore. *blank* And then just to make me really confused, I'm falling more and more in love with a sweet girl here from the city, she studies at the university as well, and she is really nice. I'll be seeing her in 2 days, but I can't wait that long. I want to go to the club where she will be tonight, but I don't know if that is too invasive. And besides I'm ill and I have tons of homework. I want her to know that I like her, still I don't want her to feel that I'm invading her... I had a date with her 2 days ago, and I met her last friday... Hmmm... I wish I knew how to be perfect, how to make it perfect. But I can't, I can just be myself, and hope... What I really like about this girl...? ...besides the fact that she is 155cm tall (a perfect 9% less then me). She seems so down to earth and true. And she has that cute look, that I can never get tired staring at, the kind that nost find cute, but I find so much more then just that. And she is intelligent. She has a few flaws, but first of all we all have, second it's none that she really like. You should never expect that people change, but it's ok to hope... Besides, somethings do change with time. And this girl is closer to my age then my last girlfriend...that gives a better chance for understanding, I guess.... But now I just have one problem... Is she really interrested in me? She was that last friday, but I turned her down (I still had my girlfriend then). Now she is not drunk anymore, I don't know how much she ment it... She found me good looking before as well, I know that much. But looks are not enough. How do I figure if there is that last spark? I don't know? Does anyone? At least she tells me she look forward to sunday... ...I'll just have to get to know her better. And then we'll see what happens... If you read this far...please comment. 16 comments|post comment

Miyavi is SOOO hot! - give him to me! [20 Feb 2004|12:47pm] [ mood | in love ] [ music | Miyavi - Girls, Be Ambitious ] |MIYAVI OBSESSED| Congratulations! You're completely obsessed with Miyavi! You live and breathe the man. There's nothing you don't know about him. In fact, you might know more about Miyavi than Miyavi does! Might wanna tone it down a bit.. How Obsessed with Miyavi are you? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

A test... [20 Feb 2004|12:30pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Alien Sex Fiend - RIP ] Your DeathRock and don't give a bats ass! Good for you! ^v^Are you GOTH, DEATHROCK, Wanker or Ghetto!?!^v^ brought to you by Quizilla post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]